My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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