i may or may not be watching the land before time
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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