I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
