you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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