Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i will never coherently bang her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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