he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's the barista slut.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
