already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you bring me the toilet please
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
