Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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