We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
