Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
