Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
