in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
