people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
