i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
