He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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