never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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