And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
