I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
