I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
