thus making me awesome and them whores
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
