so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
