He called his prostate his "boner button".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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