Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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