she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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