I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im part way to drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
