so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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