So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
