she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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