There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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