SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
