bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
