Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize