look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
