If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
