Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
