this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
