im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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