white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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