you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
