what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
