I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
