this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize