dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
