Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
