Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
