My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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