You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
