Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
