Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
