nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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