every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
