please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
