Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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