dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the liver wants what the liver wants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
