im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
