So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
where am i from again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
