How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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