I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
