Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
