i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
