Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
