Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
