I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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