I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
