He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
