Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
