nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
try to milk me bitch
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