That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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