It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
